Operation Diet Go   
12:49am 02/01/2009
  So, in case you've never met me in person/never talked to me for any length of time/have no idea what I look like (why are you reading this?), I'm fat.

People like to say "You're not fat," or "You just need to lose a few pounds," but honestly, I'm pretty damn fat. I wear a size 24. I weigh, as of this afternoon, two hundred and forty pounds. And as much as I joke about it, I'm pretty sick of looking in full-length mirrors and going "eugh." I don't need to lose "a few" pounds-- to reach my ideal weight, I'd have to lose eighty pounds.

Blah blah, beauty's on the inside, I've got a lot going for me, I'm smarter than God, whatev. Aside from the fact that being overweight isn't healthy for any part of your body, I'm just sick of being fat and having no control over my cravings whatsoever. I make a decent amount of money, but I spend a huge chunk of it on fast food. I always feel guilty buying books and earrings and gadgets, but for some reason, food seemed reasonable. Also, I eat when I get bored-- which is often. I always have to be multitasking, and that usually involves eating while watching TV, reading, writing, drawing, whatever.

Anyway.

New Year's Eve, I had my last batch of pancakes, my last pizza, my last package of cookies (I know, all on the same day. I was trying to make myself sick so I wouldn't want any of it any more). I also made a plan. No more sugar, no more greasy fried or fast food, no more eating just to eat. To prevent myself from going out and buying fast food, I wrote Don a check for all the money I still have after paying rent and bills, and gave my ATM card to my mom.

The plan is this: I get exercise every day, and I keep away from anything with sugar or grease. At the end of ever week, if I've kept to my diet, I get ten dollars to buy myself something non-food oriented (books, probably, or new clothes if I manage to lose enough).

This morning I was eyeing the leftover garlic twists from my end of year binge, thinking, "well, there isn't much else to eat, and I can't starve. And I did pay money for them."

Then I threw the entire box away and had a cup of light yogurt.

This afternoon I took the neighbor dog on the 'long' version of our walk, which involves two steep hills, and when I went to the store to pick up salad stuff for dinner, I bought carrot sticks so I wouldn't come home and eat the chips and dip Don and the boys had.

Still, it was a long day distracting myself from the desire to fill up quiet hours with food ^^;


Anyway, I'm only weighing myself weekly, since my weight fluctuates wildly daily, and keeping track of it here. I'm not going for eighty pounds right away-- I'm trying to get back down to 200 before I set sights on 160. Support and encouragement are appreciated; dieting is hard and obnoxious ><;

I've already talked to a couple other people planning to diet this year too; feel free to come and whine about how much not eating delicious smokehouse pizzas sucks with me ;_;

And now, the ticker:




I'm off to make a diet prize list.

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By Blood and Bone and Contest   
09:40pm 02/01/2009
 
mood: sleepy
As previously mentioned (I think... now I can't remember and I'm too lazy to go back and look), I spent some time at the bookstore while vacationing at my Grandma's house, and bought the third installment of the Keys to the Kingdom series, Drowned Wednesday (why is it that only children's authors are putting out anything worth reading lately? Seriously, the Scifi/Fantasy section of the bookstore is like a pit of Fail) as well as two new manga to read, Ral-Grad (about a boy bonded to a shadow-dragon that sets out to save the world for the sake of boobies) and Nightmare Inspector (a sort of serial following a "Baku" that helps people overcome their nightmares in exchange for being able to eat the dreams afterwards).

Drowned Wednesday takes young Arthur out on the Border Sea with a shipful of landlubber-sailors (and one actual seaman), picking up salvage to sell and constantly on the lookout for both Feverfew the fearsome pirate and Drowned Wednesday, the once-beautiful ruler of the Border Sea who was cursed with gluttony and ate so much that she turned into a hundred-mile-long white whale.

Compared to Grim Tuesday, I liked Wednesday a lot better-- there was more actual adventure (wheras Tuesday had Arthur spending most of his time in a mining pit, and the 'final battle' was basically him playing the xylophone, which was, well, lame), and Wednesday turned out to be a sympathetic character unlike the slothful Monday and his cronies (Monday's Noon and Monday's Dusk are so doing it) or the gruff, eyebrowless Tuesday who made almost no appearances and was defeated by his lack of imagination.

The author Garth Nix also put a lot of humor into his writing as well as excitement-- intelligent wit, including sly references to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and the Followers of the Carp, a cult centered around a giant talking goldfish (The immortal Denizens of the House, the beings that Arthur has to deal with while he's trying to save the universe from ruin, are pretty much full of lols. For being super-powerful creations of the creator of the entire universe, they're often not very bright).

However entertaining the books are, though, I've noticed a disheartening pattern in them-- Arthur has to work his way through all the levels of the House, from Monday on the bottom to, presumably, Lord Sunday all the way at the top, taking their Keys on the way and trying to fix all the things they fucked up during their rule.

Aside from the first book, Mister Monday, where Arthur had to go through a series of challenges and talk to a lot of different people and fight Monday's Noon and get hit on by Monday's Dusk (I am not making that up) and finally have to find a way to defeat Monday himself, the second and third books have been a little formulaic. Arthur gets home on Monday, the clock strikes Midnight on Tuesday, and he has to go back to the House, take a look around at how much they've made things suck, defeat Tuesday and leave again. Wednesday brought the same thing: he was taken back to the House, ran around trying to figure out how to get to Wednesday, cured her of her gluttony and then left again. I'm really hoping that Thursday brings something different to the table, maybe letting him go back to Monday's Lower House (which was my favorite) again, or at least having some more fun with Monday's Dusk. I don't like the idea that Arthur's just going to take care of a level of the house and then never go back there.

My dog is barking in her sleep.


In other news, day two of Operation Diet Go went pretty smoothly. Trying to find ways to fill up my day and keep myself busy without eating too much, so I went with Mom to the ranch to help her run the horses around. It was cold and drizzly and pea-soup foggy and we almost drove where there was no road (there was a wall instead), but I had a good time and I'm probably going again tomorrow.

Right now I think I need to pass out. Ugh, tired. x_X

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