| So he leans that way? |
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| 08:30pm 08/04/2009 |
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I'm watching this movie called Gohatto (taboo) about gay Samurai. So far, the main characters are Tashiro, who comes on a little too strong; a bunch of old Samurai captains who apparently swing both ways, and Kano, the prettiest little Samurai twink on the block. Seriously, look at his picture. I'm surprised he's not constantly surrounded by swirling rose petals and shit.
(creepily, Tashiro looks kind of like my dad.)
GOHATTO IN AMUSING SCRIPT FORM
Lots of people want to bone Kano so far-- there've been lots of close-ups of his hair, eyeliner, and Very Serious Mouth-- but Kano's having none of it.
Tashiro: Kano-Kun... can't you sleep?
Kano: ...
Tashiro: Have you ever killed a man? ...Have you ever made love?
Kano: ...
Tashiro: *shoulder squeeze*
Kano: ..... *rolls over* zzz...
Tashiro: ....apparently you can sleep.
Tashiro: Kano, I was calling out for you.
Kano: Okay?
Tashiro: I was calling for my one true love.
Kano: ............................... bye.
Narration: Everybody has a hard-on for Kano because his long hair is purdy.
Tashiro: Hay bb, I warmed up your futon for you.
Kano: Touch me and I will SHANK YOUR ASS.
Old Man: *lounge*
Kano: Who goes there! What school are you from? Why are you not popping a boner at my prettiness?!
Old Man: I'm a Buddhist.
Kano: I meant where did you learn to lay on your swords like that?
*later*
Kano: So then I ran into this random geezer--
Captain Wholesome: Oh, that was Gensuo, this really famous guy. You should probably kill yourself for even talking to him.
Kano: Craaaaap.
*even later*
Gensuo: Hey, rude Religion-asker boy!
Kano: I asked about your schooling, sir.
*later than that*
Gensuo: Yo, Religion Kid!
Kano: Sir, I only asked about your...
*doot dee doo*
Gensuo: Hiya, Religionator!
Kano: ><;;;
Captain Wholesome: Listen, Gensuo's important and all, but he's a shit swordsman. Go easy on him when he inevitably challenges you to a fight.
Kano: Will do.
*later*
Gensuo: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kano: *administers beat-down*
Captain Wholesome: *facepalm*
Captain Bald: Blah blah treason, blah blah.
Kano: Uh-huh. *gulps sake*
Captain Bald: So uh... I was watching you spar with Gensuo, and...
Kano: ...yeah?
Captain Bald: I THINK YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY
Kano: All great Buddhas, not this shit again!
Captain Bald: SURPRISE BUTTSEX
Kano: Yee!
Geisha: Hey, I brought you guys some more sak-- OMG.
Captain Wholesome: Sir, Gensuo took Pretty Boy Jones down to go fight against like a zillion armed thugs in the dark.
Ito: He did WHAT?
Armed Thug: *CHOP*
Kano: OW MY FACE. Time to flail! *flail flail*
(I'm beginning to think Kano's only emotion is Pout.)
Captain Bald: Unf! Unf! Unf! Yes!
Kano: Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...
Captain Bald: I'll kill your bearded lover!
Kano: Uh huh, whatever.
Head Honcho: We really can't have people killing each other over Kano.
Ito: I'm not gonna kill someone as pretty as him.
Head Honcho: No, I mean, have Yamazaki introduce him to the joys of Geisha pussy.
*later*
Yamazaki: Hey, Kano my man! Let's go bone some babes tonight!
Kano: I can't. I'm busy having sex with men.
Yamazaki: Tomorrow, then?
Kano: Nope, having sex with men then, too.
Yamazaki: Maybe next Friday...?
Kano: I'm pretty much booked up for the next few months.
*ROUND TWO!*
Yamazaki: Kano!
Kano: I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR GEISHA PUSSY!
*ROUND THREE!*
Yamazaki: C'mon, hot asian action!
Kano: I love you.
Yamazaki: ick...
*ROUND FOUR!*
Kano: Let's go whoring!
Yamazaki: For... girl whores, right?
Kano: *sigh* I guess.
*at the teahouse*
Kano: Oh no, my sandal broke!
Yamazaki: Here, I'll fix it for you.
Kano: ..... *stroke*
Yamazaki: Ew!
*later*
Prostitute: *extremely slow sexy shuffle dance*
Yamazaki: DAYUM.
*the next morning*
Yamazaki: So, how'd it go?
Mistress: Uh, not so well, actually. He's got the Ghey pretty bad.
Yamazaki: -_-;
Yamazaki: DUDE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.
Ito: It's 'cause you looked at Kano.
Yamazaki: I DON'T EVEN SWING THAT WAY OMG.
Ito: Kano, you have to kill your lover.
Kano: Kay.
Ito: ....That's it?
Kano: Do you want me to set him on fire?
Ito: D:
Captain Wholesome: So over the break I was reading this book called "Gay Sex Samurai Style," about these two guys...
Ito: Captain Wholesome, are you in love with Kano?
Captain Wholesome: NO OF COURSE NOT I'M NOT GAY WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT HAHAHA >_>;;;;
Ito: ... Then why are you reading all this gay porn?
Tashiro: Ha!
Kano: Ugh... *pouty face* Please don't kill me...
Tashiro: I... I can't...
Kano: Haha sucker *stab stab stab stab stabbity stab*
Captain Wholesome: Oh hey, Kano, nice work on the--
Kano: *STABBITY*
Captain Wholesome: x_X
(so it turns out that Kano was just a super bitch all along.)
It was a good movie in that it was interesting, but Kano could just not manage to have more than one expression, which kind of wore on me after awhile. All of the other, uglier characters were much more interesting than he was.
[end transmission] |
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| Wanking on wank |
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| 10:35pm 08/04/2009 |
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There's a giant wankfest going on over at Metaquotes over "white women who call themselves Kali" and how it kills babies, or something.
In My Ultimate Opinion, women who call themselves Kali are retards, but hey, do what you want. I used to call myself various things in middle/high school, including Shinigami, Wendigo, and whatever else sounded cool to me at the time.
These people are like OMFG IT'S SO INSENSITIVE and THEY'RE STEALING THE CULTURE and YOU CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF BLAH when in reality there are probably very few Indians in India who actually care that some retard white lady calls herself Kali on her pagan candle forum, and even fewer Indians in India that are at all surprised that once again, an American is doing something dumb.
But do you really have to get all up in a froth about it?
(I used to have a Kali icon, and I have a statue of Shiva on my windowsill [as well as a little Buddha, Jesse and James, Gogeta, and Sephiroth, two foam cows, several glass bottles, a stuffed alligator and bat...], does that make me 'culturally insensitive'?)
Really. Go wank about something actually important.
[end transmission] |
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